


Worth the Splinters

by TrebleRose89



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Backstory, Dungeons & Dragons Character Backstory, F/M, Gen, Humor, Original Characters - Freeform, Romance, Sort of romantic, character backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26501686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrebleRose89/pseuds/TrebleRose89
Summary: Aldon isn't the best storyteller, but he's going to do his best as he shares the tale of a beautiful dryad, her tree, and a creepy old man peeing in a back alleyway...Short backstory of my newest DnD character.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Worth the Splinters

**Author's Note:**

> Lame attempt at humor, but I had lots of fun writing this! Believe it or not, this is my character for a horror campaign, but I was given permission to get a little silly :)

_“Do you truly believe this will work, my love?” I’ll never forget the way her voice sounded when she asked. It was soft and gentle, like the whispering of the wind through the trees or something, y’know?_

_Which made sense because, well, you’ll see._

_Anyway, at least I was honest with her. “I dunno,” I said. “But we’ve gotta try, don’t we?” I was such a dumb kid back then… Barely a century old, thinking I knew everything. But that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. I had no idea what I was about to get myself into._

_In my defense, that creepy old guy down in the village definitely sounded_ _like he knew what he was talking about. I mean, yeah, okay, I ran into him in a back alleyway when we were both out there taking a piss. And maybe I’d had an ale or two by then. Or three. Four? Not sure, I usually lose count._

_Point is, yes, we met under some somewhat-sketchy circumstances. But the two of us got to talking (because what else are you gonna do while you’re taking a leak together?), and as soon as I told him about me and Perilla, he said he had just the thing to help.... For a price. In the end, it cost me pretty much all the gold I’d been saving up for the past Gods-know-how-many decades, but it was my one chance! How could I say no?_

_See, I’d spent YEARS trying to find someone who could help us. I should’ve known falling in love with a dryad was a stupid idea. The splinters alone… Oh Gods, in places you don’t even wanna imagine! But trust me, she was worth every single one._

_The real problem was, well, you know about dryads, right? ‘Tree nymphs’, some people call them, but Perilla hates it… Anyway, they’re basically bound to a tree. For their WHOLE life. They can leave it for a day or two without anything too bad happening, but any longer than that and, well, let’s just say it wouldn’t be pretty. And obviously that made things pretty complicated for us. Do you know how boring it is to never go more than a few miles away from the same place? Every day? Forever?_

_Yeah, me neither. But poor Perilla did. And that’s the thing -- I always had to leave without her. So finally one day we decided we were gonna do something about it. There had to be some way to unbind her from that stupid tree, right? Wrong, according to literally every wizard or mage I could find. “It’s just not possible,” they kept saying. Until that old lunatic in the alleyway._

_That’s how we ended up sitting there that night, hands tied together with some ‘ceremonial cloth’ (which, looking back now, I think was just a pair of his old underwear), lighting this fancy oil, and doing this chant in some weird language the old fart probably made up._

_Like I said, I was a dumb kid. And poor Perilla’s the one who had to pay the price for my stupidity. I can’t really remember what came first, the smell of the burning or the sound of her screams, but when I opened my eyes, I saw what happened. The fire from the oil spread outside of the circle we were sitting in, and went right up to Perilla’s tree. The whole thing went up in flames in about two seconds. Which was really, REALLY bad, because there’s part of that whole ‘binding’ thing I forgot to mention -- If the tree dies, then so does the dryad who’s bound to it._

_I had no idea what to do. I emptied my entire canteen on the blaze, but that didn’t do shit. I even tried pissing on it (I know, I know, but what the hell else was I supposed to do?!) but obviously that didn’t work. So I just had to sit there and watch that tree burn, and see my beautiful Perilla waste away into ash right before my eyes._

_To say I was a mess after that would be the understatement of the century. I laid there next to that giant pile of ashes for days with no idea what the hell I was gonna do. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. I just wanted to die so I could be with her again._

_But then I heard it -- a voice, calling my name. It was barely a whisper, like the wind in the trees… (You can see where this is going, right?). See, turns out it worked! Sort of. Though I’m pretty sure that old geezer didn’t really have anything to do with it. Guess we’ll never know._

_Anyway, even though it TECHNICALLY worked, we weren’t exactly anticipating --_

“You _do_ know I charge by the minute, right sweetheart?” The raven-haired woman rolled onto her side, eyeing Aldon with a combination of amusement and frustration. It was clear she hadn’t been listening to a word he’d said. “Are we gonna get this show on the road, or what?”

“Right. Right. Sorry.” Aldon muttered, almost embarrassed. As usual, he’d gotten a bit carried away with the details in his story. “Just thought I’d try and explain why… Eh, nevermind.” He quickly rose to his feet and began undoing the belt on his trousers. “So, um, I only have about six coppers, but I’m hoping that can get me… something?” He gave her a sheepish smile.

The woman sighed heavily. “If you stop talking, sure.” She paused to take a seat on the edge of the bed closest to him, rolling up the sleeves of her long blouse. “I can give you something.”

With a grateful smile, Aldon dropped his trousers around his feet, then bent over, gently lifting his worn wooden bow from the floor.

“Never seen one like that before,” the woman couldn’t help but mutter. “T-the bow, I mean.” She added quickly, not wanting to give him the wrong idea. It was truly an unusual weapon -- not a single trace of any carving or polishing. It was, quite literally, a tree branch, slightly curved with a thin bow string tied between the ends.

“She’s a beauty, isn’t she?” The elf replied, giving the seated woman another smile. She watched in confusion as he lifted the bow to his lips, peppering it with kisses before finally whispering in a low voice, “Love you, dearest.” He propped it gently against the headboard.

The woman’s brow furrowed instantly in confusion. “Um, what--?”

Aldon let out a chuckle. “Oh, it’s alright. She likes to watch.” He gave a small wink before flicking his eyes back to the unusual longbow. “Don’t you, you dirty girl?”

“Yeah… We’re done here.” The prostitute rose to her feet, shaking her head. 

“What?! Wait!” Aldon cried desperately as the woman made for the door. He shuffled after her, trousers still wadded up around his ankles. “I can do _eight_ coppers! How’s that?!”

She glanced over her shoulder at him, but did not stop walking. “No thanks. Lunatic…” She muttered under her breath before closing the door behind her.

There was a beat of silence, followed by a low groan of frustration. Aldon took a few steps backward, throwing himself onto the stiff straw mattress. Beside him, the bow slid down off the headboard, coming to rest beside him.

“Why do they always run?” He asked with a sigh. “I’m not _ugly_ , am I? And Aldon Jr., he’s… he’s not that bad, is he? Maybe a little lopsided, but that gives him character, doesn’t it?”

A gentle giggle, softer than a whisper, found its way to his ears. _They simply don’t understand you, darling. Not the way I do._

“You’re right. As always.” Aldon reached out a large hand, running his fingers gently up the length of Perilla’s rough bark.

She let out a soft sigh that he alone could hear. Aldon found himself quivering with excitement at the sound, and between his legs, Aldon Jr. felt the same. “Guess it’s just you and me tonight. Again.”

_Don’t sound so disappointed, love. Aren’t I enough for you? Even like this?_ There she went again with her pouting. Aldon hated seeing her upset. Or rather, _hearing_ her upset (facial expressions and body language were a challenge when one lacked both face and body).

In truth, he’d have much rather put those copper pieces to good use with a living, breathing woman. Or better still, finally scrounge up enough gold to hire a wizard to create a new body for his love. But until then…

“Of course you’re enough, Perilla.” Aldon leaned over and brushed his lips against the curve of her branch. “Always.”


End file.
